This is the book of my experience

LMAO / Saturday, February 03, 2007

Ok so..LMAO..After posting the post before this, i got into msn to see if my pool friend was on. Been missing pool on yahoo. I didn't see her on though. But there was one person on. Named..........VIGILANTE....LMAO.. Guess who it is. Yep, Cheryll. So...Yeah, i know what i said in the blog post. I said that I hate her,she needs to go to hell, stuff like that. Lol. But i wasn't feeling that way during that time. So I msg-ed her, hoping that she could talk to me again. Because really, her decision with losing contact with me. I found it to be real bullshitty.

I don't know, I'm just that kind of person. I just can't stand losing friends, moreover, cease to care about them. There were a lot of times I've said sorry to people during fights,eventhough it wasn't my fault. I believe it's unnessecary to initiate forgetting about someone, unless they're dead, then you'd really have to let go. But in this case,it was otherwise. So i should tell you how our convo went. Too bad i don't have the actual convo. Anyway.

So we said our hi's right?(not exactly hi's but heck). And after that she was being a "Dahlia". Saying that she doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to have anything to do with me, stuff like that. It's wtf right? I mean, heh. Wow. I remember back then when we were still together she always says to me she doesn't hold grudges. Heh, such a hypocrite. She holds unto it so much that's she's so willing to lose a friends of hers for 4 years. All throughout our convo, Janina wasn't with me. So i was feeling really vulnerable. Heh. I go crazy whenever i'm not getting any attention from her. Hey don't get me wrong, I'm not an attention manwhore just like what Cheryll said. But it was just the moment when I needed Janina the most. So yeah.. I told Cheryll my side. Why losing contact with me is unreasonable. Spent a good few minutes explaining. You tell me guys. Is it a good decision to lose contact with me? I mean.. Lol. I know I've lied about my virginity, and also about a few stuff. But there's no need to refer to those stuff as "everything". She goes all like "EVERYTHING'S A LIE!!YOU'RE A LIE".. Lol. It was just about a few things. A few MINOR things I lied about...so that I could be someone she could be proud of. It may have been a personality tweaker but I'm the same person. I really meant everything i said to her back then when I loved her. All those things I told her as we chatted, then it'd be by around 5am when i'm all done telling her. Yeah, it WAS that strong. But I guess she didn't consider that. I don't think she even remembers. Not even the time when I got hit on the back with a baseball bat when I fought for her. Lol. Oh well. So like I told before, I was feeling real vulnerable and said things I should not have said. Lol, her head must be all biiiiiiiiiiig by now. Even acted all suicidal just to make her stay online. And I was BEGGING(again) for her to talk to me again. Janina, see how weak I go when you're not around?Lol. But my baby was tired, that was understandable She made it up to me after a while anyway ;p. *clears throat* ANYWAY. Lol.

Another thing that pissed me off was what she said about me always wanting attention....................

Guys, you know me. What do you have to say about that? Lol. All I gotta say is, wow that's the complete opposite of me. Attention for me isn't like air for me to breathe. Yeah i crave for attention sometimes but that just means I really want it. Coz i barely beg for any. She was being a hypocrite again. I'm gonna show you some old blogspot, found it earlier on my old blog.

From "Official Retired From Ran", dated march 16, 2006

left RAN. Yup, i am now officially RAN-free. Lol. Cheryll was feeling neglected, whenever i play RAN, might as well post "go away" on my status. That's how addicted i was. So, can't exactly blame Cheryll for feeling that way. We got into a fight lastnight. It really hit me when she sort of told me that she wanted to adjust. She even wanted to set up some sort of schedule for it. I hate schedules, i'm one very lazy teenager. She knows that, and should've kept that in mind. But that wasn't really the reason why i was all mad. I just didn't want to change anything. i want them to stay this way. But we both concluded that to be able to retain things, i have to give RAN up.---

Ok, for all of you who doesn't know. RAN is an online game I used to be addicted too. And giving it up was like losing AIR FOR ME TO BREATH. Videogames, what i can't live without, not attention, i've had enough of attention. So yeah, as it is written there, she had me give the game up, and also some things like.. racing, parties, etc. I sacrificed a lot, just so to give her all the attention she required of me giving. That included like. 98% of my time. Ask all my friends where I have been during the whole 18/19 months. They can't answer that because they don't know. Lol, they don't know where I've been coz i didn't hang out that much with them. Yeah, I sacrificed that much for her.

So i was pretty much being annoyed with everything she's saying. So i annoyed that I got frustrated, even desperate. I never wanted to hate her. But the moment she laughed at me, she left me no choice but to despise her, or even, be disgusted of her.

I then realized that she's a waste of time. Always have been. She wasted 4 years of my life. She's not worth any attention, nor apologies. All she's worth are pities. I pity her for not seeing her own flaws, hence, making her a hypocrite. I pity her for holding grudges. If you're gonna be like that then might as well post "NO DEVIRGINIZED PEOPLE ALLOWED" on your door. Or maybe "NO LIARS". Conduct a survey and find out how many people haven't lied in their whole lives. THERE ARE NONE. Be realistic for once.

That was all done. Swore she wouldn't hear anything from me again, this time, I said it without regret. As I said before, it's not my loss. After going offline Janina finally woke up! Lol, of course i was all pissy at first but that turned around instantly in less than 30 mins,even 15. Then we stayed up for a while, just talking. Yep, just talking ;p. Lol. And being with her again, reassured me of what i really need, and want and differentiated it from what I'd be better without and despised. Being with her, it's a totally different thing. Everything just falls right into place.

So after a few hours was practically the greatest night(my time..lol) i've ever had because of soooooooooome reasons. Lol. Janina knows what I'm talking about, don't you baby?=). We were having a good time just chatting online. Made lambing and all. Until SHE went ol on yahoo. Lol, I was on invi back then with a couple of people including her. Coz I don't really want to be disturbed by random people while talking to Janina. So she goes messaging me "you ok aye?" "chip I know you're there" and stuff. Lol, when I found out she messaged Janina, I had to message her back to keep her away. And also to let her know that I liked it when she was away. Lol. Ang sakit kasi sa mata ng ID niya being online on my list=p. It's like seeing a dead stinky rose with fresh, fragrant ones. So yeah, tried to shoo her away but she was being busy making me look bad with Janina.

She showed her convo with me yesterday morning, showed it to Janina with undoubtful intentions to make me look bad. I laughed my ass off when I saw what she sent Janina. It was a teeny weeny part of it. Lol. She showed all those messages when i was all frustrated and desperate already. Didn't show all those parts wherein I was sticking up for Janina. The thing is, I already told Janina what happened. I admitted I begged and stuff. I admitted I was weak that time. Mainly because she wasn't with me but who could blame her, my baby was really tired. Anyway, the point is, she already knew. So cheryll practically came online for nothing but get herself humiliated, or even insulted. Lol. Janina showed me parts of the convo. And seeing her fight for me, heh.. Wow. They say that girls like it when guys fight for their girlfriends. Put up a fight or even sacrifice a lot for her. It makes them feel secured being with the guy. What most girls don't know, that's actually a two-way thing. Guys also like it when girls fight for them. It's just special when someone makes you feel safe.

I'm so lucky to have Janina. I mean with all those rivals?(yihee laki ulo nyan..LOL). She's one of the smartest people I know. And, ever since the start, she's been always sticking up for me. No matter how bad i've been in the past. Bah i'm repeating myself, Lol. All of it is in the post before this one. About me being a puppy and some mushy stuff. Lol. I just feel so happy and content being with her. It's not like with the other.. None like it at all. It's something more intimate that having two souls bound together. I'm being mushy again.

Anyway, I don't remember how the actual convo went. But it was something Janina said. Lol, and Cheryll replying back being all stubborn and close-minded not considering other people's opinions. Cheryll went offline with her original statement(which really didn't make any sense)and without saying goodbye. Lol. That's so like her. She runs away whenever she gets herself in a tight spot. After she went offline me and Janina stay a little while more to play some yahoo games. Lol. It's cool. Had real fun with her. She beat me in both pool and toki toki boom. You guys should check that game out some time. It's something like bricks, that game you get from the 1st gameboy. Lol.

Wow made a really long post. I'm all tired. I'll keep you guys posted from now on. Don't worry, no more mysterious disappearances from the blog scene. Guys who support us, thanks!P, Sasha.. thanks!You all take care..

I LOVE JANINA!=D

/It ends at this point
10:20 PM

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